Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Reluctand Husband Syndrome - Question 11


We have already adopted, but all of a sudden, he is reluctant to adopt anymore.  What do I do?

Hi, folks.  Welcome to the question after the last question!
I was blessed to get a great question in the middle of my series, and I promised the person I’d feature it at the end.  So now we’re at the end, and this is the very last question (unless, of course, someone else comes up with another great one!). 
So.  You’ve found yourself stuck, you think.  Your husband consented to adopting and you have your children, but now you don’t think you’re finished, and he does.

That’s okay.  I thought I was finished when Adéye mentioned each of our four adopted children. J  (Don’t you hate smiley faces?  But they do come in handy when you state certain things, and this is one of them.  I’m smiling right now, and my tongue is in my cheek.)

Do you want the easy answer or the hard answer?  Tough.  They’re both the same.

Wives, let me tell you something about men.  (I can do that.  I’m a man.)  We kick and we scream.  We want to hear from God ourselves, not through you!  Then we repent of all of that.  And we realize God might just speak through you.  Later, after we bring an orphan home, we kick ourselves because we love that child so doggone much and can’t believe we nearly missed it.  Then you bring up another child you found on a website, and we start to kick you.  And the whole thing starts over.

So what’s the easy-hard answer?  You both have to come to a consensus about what God is telling you.  You can pray and pray, but if God has definitely told your husband it’s done, it’s done. 

How do you know if God has told him that?  Well, ask him. 

“Honey, did God most definitely tell you our family is complete?”


“Honey…uh…exactly HOW did He tell you this?  Did you see a burning bush in our backyard?  Did the words appear on our flour tortilla?”

Wives, give your man space.  He has come an extra-long way in agreeing to adopt in the first place.  God has done a miracle in him, hasn’t He?  But you see, your husband came to place in his heart when he recognized that God is in control and not himself.  So he is capable of putting HIS will aside to allow GOD’S WILL to occur.  Right?

One of the greatest things a husband wants from his wife is for her to trust the Christ in him.  He may not always get it right, but if he has a track record of crying uncle to God, it could and will happen again—but only if God is in it!

So you kinda need to approach your hubby like this:

“My darling strong and ruggedly handsome husband, I know you hear from God.  You have shown it by agreeing to adopt already.  So I leave you in the hands of our loving Father and trust that you are hearing from Him when you say that our family is complete.  Because I KNOW that if you’re not hearing right, God will smite you dead in your tracks.”

Alright.  Leave out the last line.  But the rest of it empowers him and should motivate him to “get it right.”

In the meantime, Eat Pray Love.


(There’s that darn smiley face again.)


  1. And this, my brother, is where WE are today! Marie'd start in a second - but I just to feel it - waiting to hear....and finding silence. Well, His schedule - not mine!

    And leave the last line in - never hurts to think about being 'smitten'! ;)


  2. Thank you for this post. This is our life right now. Our precious adopted one is 14 months old and I can't stop thinking about the next one. My husband says he is willing and he most definitely adores our little guy...but, I think he is waiting for God to drop an orphan on our doorstep (that's what it feels like to me anyway). In fact, you hit the nail on the head. He wants to hear from God - NOT me! I'm just praying and trying really, really hard not to nag! I may just try the line about being smitten though! Ha!

  3. Aus, you crack me up. Seeketh thou God, lest ye be smitten, brother!

    Shelby, you're doing the absolute right thing. Keep affirming him, saying you know he hears from God and that you appreciate that. You appreciate it that he seeks God with his whole heart. Speak affirming words, and like you said, pray! I'm praying too!

    Thank you both so much for writing.


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