I’m afraid that I’m not afraid.
I don’t dread bringing the most severely disabled child into our home and calling her our daughter. And perhaps pushing her in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. And struggling everyday to understand her needs and meet them.
So why am I afraid that I’m not afraid? Because I’VE changed. And it’s for the good. And that scares me.
OK, I know this doesn’t make sense. If it’s a “good” thing, then why am I scared? Well, sometimes I just can’t put into words what the Father has done deep inside of my being. How He’s changed me to be putty. But it’s not putty in everything that He wants me to be. I still have a very long way to go.
Believe it or not, the act of bringing home such a daughter is not nearly as difficult as facing my flaws as a father or husband. Sometimes it’s just so darn hard to go to my wife or kids and say, “I’m so sorry. I was a dweeb. I was wrong. Please forgive me.”
But as I work on the obstacles of the heart, I’m finding it easier and easier to dive into other things that other men see as CRAAAAZY!
Enter our eighth child waiting for us in
If we do this, then what, Lord? I’m scared…BUT…I’m excited! It’s kinda like when you’re standing on a high dive. You’re scared, but excited because you know what you’re about to do. (OK, that’s not such a good example, seeing as last year I broke my back diving off a high dive. But you get the idea.) Because THAT’S where I have craved to be—living on the edge for Jesus. Signing up for anything and everything HE wants me to do, where HE wants me to go, and what HE wants me to say yes to.
“What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” --James 4:14
I am sure that some of my friends look at Anthony Salem and say, “Well, he’s getting old. He’s throwing his life into God because he doesn’t have much time left anyway.”
But statistically, if Jesus tarries, I have at least another 30 years on this earth, Lord willing. That’s a long time in human years. And in dog years, that’s 210 years. And in GOD years, that’s…well…just a mist, isn’t it?
So that’s my point. We can have 30 years left, 60 years left, or just a few months to live. It’s all a mist. And that’s what we need to continually remind ourselves of. It was important enough for God to mention in the book of James. So it should be foremost in all of our minds.
If we do that, we have no fear of the unknown. Just the Godly adrenaline to “dive in.”